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| FEAR?! |
Leaving the
task aside, in my heart, I was kind of excited because I may have the chance to
be able to see her after so many years. Honestly, I really do miss her. Despite
her leaving me since my primary school days, I could still vividly remember she
facial features. Of course, I can still remember her disciplining me when I am
naughty, guiding me by my homework every night, attending my meet-the-parents
session, cooking food for me when I am hungry and many, many more things. I can
also remember how I used to hate her salted vegetable soup; even up till now, I
still have the fear of drinking it although it’s not her cooking. Those were
really the days that I felt so much love, where I really think I am being cared
for- having someone to keep telling you to do this and that is actually not
that bad huh?
As a son, I
really do hate her a little here and there for leaving me to face this world
alone. “Fighting those battles” which I shouldn’t be facing right then and
shouldering responsibilities shouldn’t be bore by me. Come to think of it, how
did I even pull through these few years?! Anyways, I hated all those adults
then, always thinking their action for us “is the best” and hence just do it
without asking us; hence I always challenge them. From then on, my relationship
with my Dad hasn’t been smooth- we always quarrel because of differing point of
view. But who is to say “I got the correct solution to life?” I am doing it
probably because I want the best for him too. Another hidden reason might be
because I am afraid I will lose myself if I lose him. I have to admit, my dad
might not be the best father, but I know he went through many thoughts too
before making his choices too. But I really ought to thank my teacher for
changing my perception to where I am now- working as hard as possible for
myself too.
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| STRONG?! |
I also did
ask myself what I am working hard for last time. I still remember I was so
happy to have passed my PSLE and am going to secondary school into express
stream- but I couldn’t have anyone to share my joy with. My Dad was too busy
with work, my siblings were too young, and my Mum is not there. Even for now, I
clinched the Academics Award for my diploma, but none is coming to the
ceremony. Sometimes, this is how lonely I feel. But I also thank God for all
the good friends that He have surrounded me with- we fought together, study
together, stand united together and also spent quality time with one another.
If without for my school friends, I might probably also not be me too. They did
helped shaped who I am, how I behave and how I would react. But, I was again
left alone because of some issues during my secondary school. I apologized, but
it didn’t worked out- so I slowly disappeared for the clique. But I don’t think
I will forget the bookmark made by JiaMin- together forever never apart, maybe
in distance by never at heart.
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| OUR FRIENDSHIP BANDS. |
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| GEnRe's! |
Ever since
my parent divorced, I got a lot more independent and am more discipline to do
things automatically. I have also picked up many things along the way, which
includes cooking, washing clothes, taking care of my siblings and many more.
That’s because I don’t want my siblings to feel the full extent of what I went
through, although I know I didn’t do it very well…I might not express it, but
they really mean a lot to me! It’s really ironic right- how I care for them so
much but unwilling to express it.
 |
Anyways, thanks
to this trip, I kind of reflected on my life again. Although I still cannot get
over some of the facts, life still goes on right? Not going to expect much
difference, but I hope I get to see my Mum and catch with her a little. I am
very sure I will still miss her once in a while, pray for her and holding back
my tears when she calls- but it will not change the fact that I am your son and
you are my mum, right? I hope you are doing fine…
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| YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! |
Bon Voyage
for this BKK trip! J
