CAPTURE THE MOMENT: November 2011

Monday, November 28, 2011

Time VS Regrets.

When is the last time you miss someone that was close to you? Do you feel this sour feeling that makes you feel sad? Makes you feel like you could have done so much more? Makes you feel like there is much you know about that person? Well, what you feel would most likely be one of regrets.

And for me, I happened to keep reminding myself not to regret and always cherish those around me and not take them for granted; or at least I am trying to. Guessed everyone needs a little reminder now and then that life is precious. One moment, those you care for may be fine, but you will never know what would happen to them the next moment. But that's not my main point. My point is whether will you have that regret inside of you, crying so loudly deep within you, but it is just too late to do anything. Don't you find it so true? We all are guilty of that, right?

Tammy reminded me that life is so fragile. Imagine the one you love just happen to pass away unexpectedly; and the only thing left is memories, be it good or bad, happy or sad, what is done was done, and you cannot turn back time, can you? For me, I lost quite a lot of my loves ones, either by death or by circumstances. Do I have regrets? Of course, too much!

For me one of my biggest regret is my mother. I don't really remember her face. Can you believe it? I CAN'T REMEMBER EVEN HER FACE, let alone the small details about her. Come to think of it, I don't even have any photo of her with me, I am such a failure, am I? Since young, she have never really treated me well, that was what I thought because everything she did unto me was quite insignificant then hence bad. But looking back now, everything seems so significant, all she was teaching me was to be able to take care of myself when she is not around, which apparently is so real to me right now. This is also why I love photography. Because it captures moments that time wouldn't allow, just like magic, it is there yet not there. Even though that person may be gone, but at least those moments you spend with him or her is protected in the photo, a picture speaks a thousand words. But this kind of circumstantial regrets is far beyond my control...I may end up just regretting...

I really wished I time would not die on me. Just give me a chance to create at least good memories with her, at least. Having regrets is really a torture, it feels so heavy, so burdened, so depressing. No matter how much I try to forget, somehow or rather I will still remember, besides, I am her son right? Which mother wouldn't want the best for her son? Although I hate her, I choose to believe that she did the best for me.

Dear God, please watch over her for me, bless her. This would let me feel less burden..

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Balance it out.

My insecurities is acting up again. Always feeling scare that I will end up losing someone I cherish. I have lost too many to continue losing, I know how it hurts to be abandon, alone and therefore I try my best to not let others feel that feeling from me.

You know, during bible study this week, someone asked this question, why is it so easy to forgive and so hard to forget? Honestly, I felt convicted. Did I really forgave the person? Or rather, can I forget those actions that have hurt me? And the answer given was in the book of 1 John; where it talks about love. To me, love is a feeling that can bring you down to the deep pit or lift you up sky high, a feeling that no one can teach you. If I really loved, I guess nothing is difficult, is it? Oh well, during bible study, Uncle Randy also talked about end times, that really shook me. How am I suppose to bear the pain to see friends I know suffering in hell? Not to mention my family members and relatives. Although I am not in good terms with everyone, it already hurts to imagine. I don't think I am doing my part as a Christian. Sad...(spiritually-super-dry).

Anyway, enough about sad things. I shall balanced this sadness with happy moments? I went out with some of my GenRE friends! We went to catch this movie 'IN TIME'. It is a great movie indeed. While time, really passes when you are enjoying, right? For me, it is time to actually decide on who to be the next President for the club; something I have yet to think about. Anyways, whoever that is the President, I will definitely support him or her, because we all have a passion in common, guitar! :)

Hidayat. KianFong. Erick. Nisa. Ashly.
XingMing. Rudy. Irene.

Me. KianFong. Erick. Ashly.
XingMing. Rudy. Irene.

Wow?! This post quite long arh? My Y1S2 classmates is really fun! We haven really bond but I feel this sense of belonging. I hope I am not the only one feeling this? Oh well, this Semester really thought me to not judge. Many people can be 'this or that' because they have gone through something hard, not everyone have a easy life up to poly right? We all have problems and stress. But guess what? We are always not alone! There is always friends to go through what you go through, sharing the pain and joys. Other than the fact we have to part ways some day, I guess friendship is something we all need.

Gregory. Haz. Aisah. Freda. Vaheeni.
Michelle. Isabelle. WeiLing. (alot people missing)

As much as I have loss, I have gain a lot too. Although it may not be the best, the most loving, the smartest, the richest, the funniest....anything; but I guess that's what friends are for, to help one another to cover up weaknesses and grow together. Anyway, thanks Isabelle, Jaslyn for always encouraging me.

Although I cannot change anything of the past, must I let the future me suffer? I want to piece my life to what it should be again, to enjoy life to the fullest. It still hurts, I am still scare, but, I feel better now knowing everyone have their fair share of ups and downs.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Not just something.

Wow! I have been complaining about going for practice untill late mid-nights and having to travel back home late, this and that. But after the performance, like finally, I can rest! :)

I really appreciated those who came even though it was UT the next day.

Guo Cong ~ Michelle ~ Jereen ~ Vahaani ~ Vahaani's friend.
Pastor ~ B&B ~ Diane ~Jim

Thanks a lot for coming! :))

Ohh well. Honestly speaking, I do believe these little major events is not just a memory or a once upon a time thing. When I grow older, I will eventually think of these little major events and reflect, isn't that what life is about? Going out there a experience things not with the eyes, but with the heart.

As always, I let the pictures do the talking...