I am feeling really down lately. As much as I try, however much effort I put in, I still end up changing nothing. It is just like Hydrogen (H2O), no matter what state it is in, be it ice, steam or water, it is still H2O! And what can do? It is not like I didn't do anything to solve it, right?
The current me, is studying and working part time; and I am really tired, not to even mention going for IG together with all the expectations, demands, exams and my grades. I don't even have time for myself; let alone solving all these problems.
Physically, I am already struggling. What about spiritually? Pastor have been sending me SMS everyday single day without fail to remind me to read the bible; I really appreciate the effort. But at the same time, it makes me reflect on the problems again. Is it my relationship with God? Is it my relationship my family members? Or is it just me thinking too much? Sad to say, I think it is all of the above mentioned.
Come to think of it, it is not all this problems that is making me sad. It is the fact that I have no one to share this problems to that made me sad; having to shoulder it myself. Having said this, I will think back to the time when my mother left, as much as I hate it, I have to accept it. If only she was still with me; rather than the already-foreign SMS she sends...Even so, if someone asked me to share my problems, will I do it? That, itself, is another problem. Guessed I am upset with myself, the world and everything; hence it is hard to explain how I truly feel?
Oh well, some annoying people will just tell me: 'Oh, this is part of growing up..' and all the logically correct answer that should be said. Not that they shouldn't say that, but bottom-line is whether if they are just asking because they want to know or whether they want to help me face my problems together.
Guess all I want is still that someone, who understand what I truly feel and is willing to stand by me when I need it?
No comments:
Post a Comment