.____.

I came to realized how much it sucks to depend on someone and yet, that someone didn't meet your expectation or even go missing and leave me in state of lost and confusion. Sigh, I am blogging so that I vent my anger out because of some shit that happened today which made me really angsty.

I used to have a clique that I thought I was really close to. Since secondary 1, we have been hanging out together. Despite the ups and downs, we are still together till Secondary 4. All those times, I have been hanging out with them and really hold them close to my heart. And who knows, something happened and that was the end for me in that clique. I was really lost because all this years, I have only been with them. And when they are gone? I don't know what to do and even not know how I should spent my time. Gosh, the feeling was terrible.

But I was even more sad to know that the relationship we had for 4 years at least, was destroyed in one day. I also blamed myself. Who asked me to only hang out with them? I should have hang out with more people- probably that would have minimized my loss. Having said that, I think I am quite a self-fish person that cannot stand being lonely. Since I actually have the thought of replacing them with other people in hope to find the same bond..

Apparently, this is not what that made me angry today.

Just realized that I have diverted from it a lot.

But then again, I was really in state of lost when I lose them.

And I still cannot get over the fact.

Argh!!!

Anyways, I was angry with my father because he promised to buy dinner back home for me today. So happy boy me didn't go down for dinner. But who knew that he came back at 9 plus- I can be eating supper already. That's why I was so pissed off. On top of that, I only ate one meal today, ultra-hungry. Now that I think of it, guessed I had no rights to be angry. Who asked me to depend on him? If I wasn't that lazy to buy dinner myself, probably I wouldn't be angry. Childish me for being angry. TSK!

Then again maybe I just don't want to be eating dinner alone, so I waited. As much as I am independent, I still missed those secondary school days. On the other hand, no harm being alone, right? This means I shouldn't be too attached or dependent on anyone- so that I wouldn't be disappointed and be left in state of shock.

Question is: Can I do it?

Honestly, I don't I can.

"You need to know how to be alone and not let other people define you."