L.I.F.E.

How's life? For me, a lot of things have happen- good and bad. And guess what? I am still surviving.

The worksheet~

Last week, the was two field trips. One to Sentosa, another to Orhcard. This makes me conclude that learning out-of-class sucks. Because it is not conducive enough, and makes it hard to actually finish the task given. Ok, maybe because for both the trips, it rained quite heavily. Either way, I still did enjoy because I actually got to know my classmates better. Alright, as usual I let the photos talk...

ME. VAHEENI.

 Vaheeni is really a nice person. I have always play racist jokes on her but guess what? She don't really mind. I think what makes her funny is her smile? She got the natural look that makes people laugh, I guess?

VAHEENI. ARIEL. MICHELLE.

ELFIN. ME.

 That is Elfin. She is a tennis-player! I don't really know her well but I find her really open- not in a bad way. I guess the correct word to use to sociable? Hmmm....

THERESA. JULIET.

 And here is Theresa and Juliet- smiling so brightly. I know Theresa since GenRE camp. She is really kind-hearted and always willing to help in class. Next to her is Juliet- I didn;t really have good impression of her at first. But through Theresa, I got to know her better. She is actually no difference for other girls; although she tend to be quite fierce often a times. Glad to know both of them are believers of God.

OUR FIRST CLASS PHOTO.

And there we go; we took our first official class photo I think? And the photographer is Greg. He didn't really want to be in the photo so he volunteered. I feel happy just because we took this photo- because in the near future, this is a prove that we were, at least, once class-mates.

Didn't I mention we went to Sentosa? In Sentosa, we have our HTM module where I was teamed up with a all boys group. I am actually the youngest among them. But guess what? There is still a kid in each of them; after spending a day with them; although there is a difference in our age, it kind of meant nothing.

GREG. ME.

 This is our first stop. I think Brandon took this photo (because he camera shy). The SAND BAR. Oh, if you are wondering where id our other two team-mates; they went smoking and we kind of 'lost' each other. Some kind of joke right? But they managed to contact us still; via the girls.

GREG. BRANDON.

 Next up, the Siloso beach. I forced Brandon to take photo. Oh well at least he smiled, right?

GREG. ME. BRANDON.

 If I remembered, Greg approached this Indian to help us take this photo. He wanted a group photo. Credits to the Indian that helped take this picture.

ME. GREG.

 We were finally going to meet up the lost sheeps. We went to Mc' Donalds to get ice-cream cone. And we finished almost half of our worksheet?

BRANDON. DESHAWN. ME. GREG. HAZ.

 And finally, we came together at the Merlion. I like this picture; makes me feel like a little brother with 4 big brothers taking care of me. Ok, the only reason why I am in the middle is because I am short. Full Stop.

TIGER TOWER (Y)

 We couldn't find anyone to take photo for us! Glad I met YiJin and Medeline! They helped us take photo. Something that shock me was a comment made by one of the boys: 'They go as a class sia, not like us, split up...' Something like that...I always thought otherwise; like they like to work alone? Either way, at least I know how they think. We also go to this souvenir shop. Got this very nice thing 3D-caved-photo. Apparently, there only got lots of couple photo; so I made a comment which attracted the sales-person. I said: 'Next time, when I have girlfriend then come.' She replied me something like no need girlfriend also can. 'Ok!'- I replied this and walked out of the shop. EPIC FAIL?

DESHAWN. ME. GREG.

 We were walking to our last stop. And we saw this. I said I wanted to make sand-castle. Surprisingly, this two boys are also interested. And the above sand-castle is not ours. It was some random kid's.

OUR FINAL PHOTO.

 We were finally done with our worksheet, after so long. I like this photo the best. Credits to another group from another class.

LUNCHING.

 Finally, we wanted to lunch. We wanted to eat KFC. But Brandon is a vegetarian. So we had a hard time deciding. We in the end, we went to KFC. Poor Brandon only can eat cheese fries. But at the same time, I salute him for being so committed in his relationship; hardly can find guys like this; extinct creature? Maybe.

WHAT'S LEFT.

And finally the Sentosa trip is over! :))

HAPPY FEET 2.

We went to VIVO and watched HappyFeet 2. THERESA. HUIWEN. HAZ. DESHAWN. I was quite entertaining I guess? But I thought it was a waste to not be able to watch You are the apple of my eyes.

ISABELLE. MICHELLE. WEILING. ME.

This is my PMS group. We were in Orchard. This is the only group photo I have. Anyways, if not for the rain, I am sure everything else would have been better. Because my shoes are soaked wet that day, it kind of spoiled my mood. But nonetheless, these girls did cheered me up with their 'shopping'. Enjoyed my day.

Alright. Now for some GenRE. I was appointed as the Events Manager. Didn't really know to be happy or sad. But I am glad to have Nisa (my bass partner) with me! :)) Other than that, we are practicing hard? Got lots of scores; Canon In D, Air-on-G, RiverFlow. Oh well, I guess staying in GenRE ain't that bad after all? Hope everything goes well. Looks like there is more commitments.

With happy moments; there would sure to be sad moments. I am disappointed with someone. I really want to depend on someone; but somehow, I don't dare. Because things just don't seem to work well; at least for me. It is like trying to tell an elephant to try breaking loose from the rope after it is being tied to a tree for years; it just wouldn't work! People tend to give up; like me. It is not about whether I give chance or not; it is about whether you really wanted to change for the better. You know how much it equally hurts on the inside? I am not talking to you because I am angry; depressed. Just because I don't show it does not mean I don't care. I don't want to live in the world made up of your fabrication of lies; because it sucks- BIG TIME. I trusted you but in the end...? Oh well...life must be playing a prank on me.

I am starting to think if the main reason why I am so tired is due to the sadness.

Didn't go church this week. I was too tired...

Dear God, help me to be an over-comer. In Jesus' Name, AMEN.

Time VS Regrets.

When is the last time you miss someone that was close to you? Do you feel this sour feeling that makes you feel sad? Makes you feel like you could have done so much more? Makes you feel like there is much you know about that person? Well, what you feel would most likely be one of regrets.

And for me, I happened to keep reminding myself not to regret and always cherish those around me and not take them for granted; or at least I am trying to. Guessed everyone needs a little reminder now and then that life is precious. One moment, those you care for may be fine, but you will never know what would happen to them the next moment. But that's not my main point. My point is whether will you have that regret inside of you, crying so loudly deep within you, but it is just too late to do anything. Don't you find it so true? We all are guilty of that, right?

Tammy reminded me that life is so fragile. Imagine the one you love just happen to pass away unexpectedly; and the only thing left is memories, be it good or bad, happy or sad, what is done was done, and you cannot turn back time, can you? For me, I lost quite a lot of my loves ones, either by death or by circumstances. Do I have regrets? Of course, too much!

For me one of my biggest regret is my mother. I don't really remember her face. Can you believe it? I CAN'T REMEMBER EVEN HER FACE, let alone the small details about her. Come to think of it, I don't even have any photo of her with me, I am such a failure, am I? Since young, she have never really treated me well, that was what I thought because everything she did unto me was quite insignificant then hence bad. But looking back now, everything seems so significant, all she was teaching me was to be able to take care of myself when she is not around, which apparently is so real to me right now. This is also why I love photography. Because it captures moments that time wouldn't allow, just like magic, it is there yet not there. Even though that person may be gone, but at least those moments you spend with him or her is protected in the photo, a picture speaks a thousand words. But this kind of circumstantial regrets is far beyond my control...I may end up just regretting...

I really wished I time would not die on me. Just give me a chance to create at least good memories with her, at least. Having regrets is really a torture, it feels so heavy, so burdened, so depressing. No matter how much I try to forget, somehow or rather I will still remember, besides, I am her son right? Which mother wouldn't want the best for her son? Although I hate her, I choose to believe that she did the best for me.

Dear God, please watch over her for me, bless her. This would let me feel less burden..

Balance it out.

My insecurities is acting up again. Always feeling scare that I will end up losing someone I cherish. I have lost too many to continue losing, I know how it hurts to be abandon, alone and therefore I try my best to not let others feel that feeling from me.

You know, during bible study this week, someone asked this question, why is it so easy to forgive and so hard to forget? Honestly, I felt convicted. Did I really forgave the person? Or rather, can I forget those actions that have hurt me? And the answer given was in the book of 1 John; where it talks about love. To me, love is a feeling that can bring you down to the deep pit or lift you up sky high, a feeling that no one can teach you. If I really loved, I guess nothing is difficult, is it? Oh well, during bible study, Uncle Randy also talked about end times, that really shook me. How am I suppose to bear the pain to see friends I know suffering in hell? Not to mention my family members and relatives. Although I am not in good terms with everyone, it already hurts to imagine. I don't think I am doing my part as a Christian. Sad...(spiritually-super-dry).

Anyway, enough about sad things. I shall balanced this sadness with happy moments? I went out with some of my GenRE friends! We went to catch this movie 'IN TIME'. It is a great movie indeed. While time, really passes when you are enjoying, right? For me, it is time to actually decide on who to be the next President for the club; something I have yet to think about. Anyways, whoever that is the President, I will definitely support him or her, because we all have a passion in common, guitar! :)

Hidayat. KianFong. Erick. Nisa. Ashly.
XingMing. Rudy. Irene.

Me. KianFong. Erick. Ashly.
XingMing. Rudy. Irene.

Wow?! This post quite long arh? My Y1S2 classmates is really fun! We haven really bond but I feel this sense of belonging. I hope I am not the only one feeling this? Oh well, this Semester really thought me to not judge. Many people can be 'this or that' because they have gone through something hard, not everyone have a easy life up to poly right? We all have problems and stress. But guess what? We are always not alone! There is always friends to go through what you go through, sharing the pain and joys. Other than the fact we have to part ways some day, I guess friendship is something we all need.

Gregory. Haz. Aisah. Freda. Vaheeni.
Michelle. Isabelle. WeiLing. (alot people missing)

As much as I have loss, I have gain a lot too. Although it may not be the best, the most loving, the smartest, the richest, the funniest....anything; but I guess that's what friends are for, to help one another to cover up weaknesses and grow together. Anyway, thanks Isabelle, Jaslyn for always encouraging me.

Although I cannot change anything of the past, must I let the future me suffer? I want to piece my life to what it should be again, to enjoy life to the fullest. It still hurts, I am still scare, but, I feel better now knowing everyone have their fair share of ups and downs.

Not just something.

Wow! I have been complaining about going for practice untill late mid-nights and having to travel back home late, this and that. But after the performance, like finally, I can rest! :)

I really appreciated those who came even though it was UT the next day.

Guo Cong ~ Michelle ~ Jereen ~ Vahaani ~ Vahaani's friend.
Pastor ~ B&B ~ Diane ~Jim

Thanks a lot for coming! :))

Ohh well. Honestly speaking, I do believe these little major events is not just a memory or a once upon a time thing. When I grow older, I will eventually think of these little major events and reflect, isn't that what life is about? Going out there a experience things not with the eyes, but with the heart.

As always, I let the pictures do the talking...

GenRE! :)

Erick ~ XingMing ~ Kian Fong ~ Hidayat!

Kian Fong & ME

James & ME

Erick & ME

Xing Ming & ME

Cheryl ~ Thresa ~ Jessica ~ ME ~ XingMing ~ Trudy ~ Jeanine

ME ~ Lowell ~ Evan ~ Yukai ~ TongSheng

IRENE AND THE REST!! :)

Jennifer & ME

HuiYi & ME

FrogSENIOR ~ ME ~ Brandon

Lynette & ME~~ :)))

THE FAMILY BADGE.

I am sure, this is just the beginning. I am not sure whether I will quit or not, but I will definitely remember this moment of fame (GenRE 2011).

Give me a break.

I am feeling really down lately. As much as I try, however much effort I put in, I still end up changing nothing. It is just like Hydrogen (H2O), no matter what state it is in, be it ice, steam or water, it is still H2O! And what can do? It is not like I didn't do anything to solve it, right?

The current me, is studying and working part time; and I am really tired, not to even mention going for IG together with all the expectations, demands, exams and my grades. I don't even have time for myself; let alone solving all these problems.

Physically, I am already struggling. What about spiritually? Pastor have been sending me SMS everyday single day without fail to remind me to read the bible; I really appreciate the effort. But at the same time, it makes me reflect on the problems again. Is it my relationship with God? Is it my relationship my family members? Or is it just me thinking too much? Sad to say, I think it is all of the above mentioned.

Come to think of it, it is not all this problems that is making me sad. It is the fact that I have no one to share this problems to that made me sad; having to shoulder it myself. Having said this, I will think back to the time when my mother left, as much as I hate it, I have to accept it. If only she was still with me; rather than the already-foreign SMS she sends...Even so, if someone asked me to share my problems, will I do it? That, itself, is another problem. Guessed I am upset with myself, the world and everything; hence it is hard to explain how I truly feel?

Oh well, some annoying people will just tell me: 'Oh, this is part of growing up..' and all the logically correct answer that should be said. Not that they shouldn't say that, but bottom-line is whether if they are just asking because they want to know or whether they want to help me face my problems together.

Guess all I want is still that someone, who understand what I truly feel and is willing to stand by me when I need it?

The thing about 17.

I am officially 17!

You know, I reflected on lots of things; things I have gain, things I have loss, things I want to achieve and it is just a never ending list..Well I thought I would it alone..but I really appreciate W24H and GenRe for the cakes and presents and cards. Although this is not the best birthday, but I really do feel the effort..THANKIES!!

I also received a SMS from Mum..emotional me teared instantly. What to do? I am a human who needs love too..haha? I hope she is doing fine too..I hope I will be able to see her again soon..I hope..

HAHA, moving on to what I intended for this post....

I don't think it is just a game.

Everyday, we are earning something, be it knowingly or unknowingly and surprisingly, I guess I don't really understand the meaning of love? To be honest, I want to have someone I can share my joy and sadness..I have learn to cherish someone; but I also wished to be cherished by someone too..you know it sucks to see couples together so loving. That feeling is just weird..I guess it is envy?

Hmmm...I actually thought...what is holding me back from loving? Haha, a bit lame but I think I have no courage, I scare I 'kill' her..basically things that are bad. My prior experience of love is already bad to being with...guess this is also a disadvantage? Or maybe it is just not my time yet?

Everything that is done, is done. I cannot revert back time and time cannot wait for me. I will wait. You know, girls keep complaining about guys being this and that, but at the same time, I think girls are guilty of it too. HAHA, till then, I will be good to all the girls! :) Gentleman94 have turned 17 (LVL up).

Once upon a time..

Everyone has their own 'once upon a time'. As for me I also have it too...

Some of my once upon a time...

1. Girlfriend
2. Secondary School Best friends
3. Clique

Well for me, although I have many once upon a time, I don't seems to have a happy ever after. Talk about my girlfriend? I guess she would probably think that I am a jerk. Talk about my best friends, I think I have stop talking to them for too long..Now how about my clique? I think they have forgotten me?

Yes, I do agree that not everything needs happy ending but guess what? Since you all have move on, I will also move on. I should really start things afresh. To be honest, I always thought I could mend things back to once upon a time, but the more I try,the harder it gets. Either way, it all might just be one sided; besides which kind of relationship last? A relationship build on trust, love and friendship. If I have once upon a time got them, I will achieve them again. 

Ironic.

My birthday is coming. Ironically, the least I want to hear is from my mother. 

I have been struggling with this issue. Do I really hate my mother for leaving? I don't know. I actually asked myself one thing...if she ever comes back, how am I going to face her? She is now like a stranger; sending me SMS now and then saying she misses us. This is when actions speak louder than words, no? Every time she calls me, when I pick up, just listening to her talking, I can tear already. I hate her, but I know somewhere in me; still wants her back as mother. It has really been a tough journey for me..not being able to share my feelings with anyone but only to bottle it up. Guess I could some love? Maybe not...in the end, I might get hurt again. Come to think of it, I will never be who I am if not for the sequence of events.

My life hasn't been good. It's school, work and preparing for concert. I am really tired. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Problems just keeps coming and I find that I have no one to rely on but myself. And I don't wish people to judge me and say that I am going to church because they can help me. What you want me to do? I don't want to look pitiful but at the same time I don't want to avoid the problem. Ironic huh? I took 2 steps backwards and never advanced...how do you think I feel? Maybe I don't have the rights to feel, I guess? I really do mind a lot to walk the path of solitude. I want people to depend on me and I to depend on people. Do you know how it feels like to have things to be forced upon you and yet you have to comply to it?

One of my friend asked me if I do feel envious about other families. I answer 'Yes...' I don't want to deny that because I really do envy those family that can spent quality time together...of course not only that...I want to be a normal boy who can enjoy life as a teenager normally; worrying for the correct things. But I don't have the luxury to.

Anyways, I have returned to school. I must work hard to get the schlor-ship. Competition is tough eh?

Other then that, my focus would still be on earning more money so that I don't have to depend on my Dad.

I would really want to say sorry...but I don't know how.

I have been praying...but day after day, my faith is getting weaker...it's just a matter of time when I stop. Pastor have been texting me..I did read the Bible..but somehow, I felt nothing. Looks like I have disconnected?

Edward wants to be positive but nothing positive have happened yet...

THE PATH I TOOK.

It has been ages since I blogged.

Well, it is still holidays for me and I am working and practicing guitar like mad. Guess what? I am playing for the coming performance! Although it is not our own GEnRe concert but I am still looking forward to it. Since it is my first ever performance! Guess what? I was only suppose to play one song; La Cumparsita...but because I don't want to stone there like a NOOB, I decided to play Ai-Wa and Let It Be. Hope I dont screw up yeah?

Anyways, I also formed a small group with Irene, Kai Ling, Erick, Benedict, Ashly, Joy and Xin Ming! :) We will be practicing River Flows In You. Hope can play during reflections.

Haha, I also recently had a chalet with my SEM1 class; W24H! It was a fun and nothing else but fun chalet!

Joo Hwee and I.

Jereen! :))

LOL, CHAMPION NUGGETS! 

Eclair?

W24H GROUP PHOTOS!

BBQ PARTNER!

MELISSA!

MUZZY :)

JINJIN!

TAMMY!

JEREEN AGAIN?

MEDELINE (DA-JIE!)

5P CLIQUE!

HMM, I wonder who was drunk...

We leave our memories in our hearts; as one....

 Anyways, I am sure we all cherished the time we had together. It was as though we were friends for very long! Well, this feeling will stay for as long as I live. All the best for all of you! :)))

A meaningful song.

Translation
A city dyed by the sunset sky and your face from the side-
What are you thinking about, what are you looking at, what are you feeling?

For instance, if we cant see our future ahead
Then Ill grip your hand and well run endlessly

Recover your smile and dreams and love and joys
Its not too late even now
Because no one will blame you
For the physical things, that only those are the everything here

The time of dusk hurries by, making my heart forget
Like how I cut up a busy flow and turned it into a photo

You told me that you love this place and red tears fell down your cheeks
I had a feeling that we wouldnt ever be able to meet again

Your tears, lies, sadness, and regrets, everything is a proof of that I was here with you
I vow in my chest
That our parting is the beginning of a memory that only the two of us know
Someday, well meet again

As it is, the whispering voice grows afar
And your shadow is swallowed by the setting sun
Tell me that I didnt spend any time in vain

Recall your smile, dreams, love, and joys
And theyll echo eternally
Because we cant believe
That the physical things, that only those are the everything here

Memories.

It is holidays and I am enjoying it I guess.

I have been working and I am glad that my relationship with my colleagues got better, especially knowing that I am clumsy and all. And honestly, I admire all that is working there. Because it is really tiring! I only worked 3 times a week and...I am like complaining like nobody's listening. But I guess this is good, at least I know how hard is it to earn money.

Well, other than that, I have been watching anime- Flame Haze Shana in particular. I learnt a lot from there. Like what does it mean to love and fight for your love ones. Well watching this show, it reminded me of someone. Have I forget about your existence; or rather would I forget your existence? This someone was there and yet not there. By right this someone is very important to me but by left somehow, I feel that this person can no longer catch up with me because I have not seen this person for way too long. I don't even know if I can face this face when the times comes; guessed I am still just I young boy that do not want to make any mistakes huh? This anime consist of some fighting and romance, it wouldn't hurt to watch, I guess.

Other than that, I thought, maybe it is time for me to think about my future plans. My friends asked me if I am looking for a relationship, somehow I wanted by yet not. Guessed it is another obstacle to work on huh? 

But it wouldn't to have someone to watch over you, does it?

Semester1 is over...?!

My life has been busy lately.

You might be wondering I am just in semester1, year 1 some more, busy with what? Haha, I guess it is just the 'dont wanna lose' attitude? Because my class is really competitive; compared to others, which somehow makes me more competitive. Sounds complicated? It seems so to me too. It is just like during 'O' levels, when you see people around you working so hard, you would also want to work equally hard.

Anyways, some pictures of my formal presentation..with W24H!

Jereen & JinJin

Arthur & Zuhair kissing GuoCong

THE BOY'S NEOPRINT! SO GAY~

DAVE- CUTE VERSION

CLASS FORMAL PHOTO.

Medeline & Myself

THE BOYS OF W24H!

Guo Cong & ME.

Wen Fung & ME

Eugene (TENNIS COACH) & ME.

Widdy & ME.

THE W24H BOYS.

Melissa & ME.

Bianca & ME.

Rihanna & ME.

I guess good times sure pass really fast huh? In an blink of an eye, semester 1 is over! I really would miss this class a lot a lot..although we are not that united but there is this something which makes me look forward to seeing them. Well, formal presentation is no doubt; a hassle. But after everything, I felt that my way of presentation got a little better now. Nah, just a thought. HAHA.

Well, I am looking forward to the chalet with W24H. :)

Hmmm, GEnRe? I am able to play La Cumpasita liao; quite Hppy!..but sometimes I still get quite upset over some things. Well, I am not stereotyping or whatever, but displaying of strong violent emotions is really not me; I would say. Of course, people might disagree and say displaying of emotion is better than bottling it up. Yes I agree on that, but it affects everyone around you when you display such emotions; and the fact everyone was affected the negative way? It just kind of made it worse.

Ohhh well, shall end off by saying something which I thought was meaningful for me.

People say that 'what doesn't kill you make you stronger'. But I would like to differ by saying 'what makes you stronger kills you too'. Why did I say so? Taking your love ones for example, they have made me stronger by always encouraging me when I fell and helps me get back on track. I would then depend on them. So, if they leave? I thought, I am as good as being killed?

Ohh well, many things in life is not what we want. But many things in life, we can choose what I want to.

Shall look forward instead of looking backwards!